Have heart, would abuse
Counting numbers, stripping screws
Halloween 2002
Fragile egos tend to bruise
After school took mushrooms not in the best of hands
A gathering a slathering of pressing happenstance
Convinced today was a curious clandestine holiday
I imagined my dead body surrounded by police in the street
I could not speak, had hobbit characteristics
Had an urgency of action spiraling
Step, thought loop step
I saw a styrofoam cup, that texture
I bent down to touch it, so unnatural
I saw the eye of Sauron in a parking lot of a 7-11
The numbers rearranged, massage themselves align myself
Strong arms drift off with celerity
Inner child sings the lecture so much better than me
I'm entraptured by its clarity
Inner child sings demeanor so much cleaner than me
Short walk, long apparent time
From the party to my home
I had to lie to be left alone
Vanished ego, heart subdued
Started pacing in my room
A clash of unfamiliar and right
This heavy heavy head
Lymph nodes glow ignite ignite
A noxious angel appeared on my bed
You want to hear what she said?
"You will die at 11:34"
The digital clock in the corner kept score
Silent panic silent answer
I'm going to wait it out
Numbers shifting meaning drifting
I thought my name was Halloween
As the dead time approached, I lie face-down
Mesmerized by geometric forms
My clothes hang off me, halfway dressed
Red plaid pants and a Conflict shirt
Blink thought loop blink
When I woke up the next day, I was elated, I'm alive
The dead time passed and somehow I survived, I'm alive
I'll dedicate myself to the service of others
The numbers rearranged, massage themselves align myself
Strong arms drift off with celerity
Inner child sings the lecture so much better than me
I'm entraptured by its clarity
Inner child sings demeanor so much cleaner than me
I conquer you, I let you conquer me
What I see through, the lens of calamity
Inner child sings the lecture so much better than me
Inner child sings demeanor so much cleaner than me
Emblems of offal and mutual regeneration dismissed
Integrity is free, young people
And contravening syndicates in music weapons exist
Dying worlds in a pregnant galaxy
Competition and good old kleptocracy
I've got mine, I've got yours, I've got his, I've got hers
Why must I think these thoughts?
Death temperance the devil
The tower the star the moon
The sun judgment the world
That experience affected me
In ways you might not see
Years later, an irrational fear
Of seeing numbers one one three
Couldn't bear it until one day
I grafted it onto my identity
I wrote it on my shoes I chalked it on the walls
Eleven thirty four calamity
Then when I moved to Albany
To study for a Ph.D.
I tacked an underscore to the front of the dead time
Figured it would be something unique
Flex flex tensor tympani
Y'varechecha Adonai v'yishm'recha
Ya'er Adonai panav eilecha vichunecha
Yisa Adonai panav eilecha v'yasem l'cha shalom
The numbers rearranged massage themselves align myself
Shavasana